"Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn."

2009-11-13T00:28:00.002+08:00

Quickie

2009-11-10T21:41:00.003+08:00

I'm listening to songs i haven't heard in a while.
Search 'em up on youtube and listen!

1. My american heart-tired and inspired
2. MGMT-electric feel
3. The killers-losing touch
4. My american heart-the shake
5. The killers-human
6. The bravery-honest mistake
7. The used-love find a way
8. Temper trap-sweet disposition

Music is such good therapy.
It so nice to listen to old songs, it brings you into a state of nostalgia that's priceless.
Shall have cake!
Ne'body want some?

Another sappy post

2009-11-09T03:23:00.005+08:00

Saturday was okay, Sunday was better.
B finally got up early for me! I've been praying since forever and he finally did it. He got up earlier than i did which wasn't exactly what i had in mind. My cell beeped so i rolled onto my otherside stretching out to reach for it, hit on a few keys, dropped it and harked back to my comfortable side. We watched two movies, ate an lazed around so much. The best was, i was stinky all day and b still stuck to me haha. Love prevails all? Sometimes i think lack the guts to say what i'm really thinking, especially here. that was random. Nehoo, overall i love how lazy my Sunday was. I feel like having me some Sara Lee pound cake yes yes but i just durian cake!

I wish i could just lie in bed all day, watching you look right back at me while we tell stupid feeble jokes, listen to your extreme-ohvereh-old-lick music, talk bull, exaggerate hand leg motions and best of all, waking up to watching the sun spill light on your skin knowing we're gonna do it all over again.
thanks for everything b, really.
You truly know me best. <3

Quotish.

2009-11-08T03:08:00.004+08:00

sanctuary;
a small safe place in a troubled world.

You can look a picture for a second and never think of it again. You can also look at a picture for a second and think of it all your life. -Joan Miro

Thought these were memorable. Credits to thee amazing tumblr. Where do people find such amazing quotes? Or rather, how do significant individuals come up with right combinations of stupefying sudden wonder?

Migo sleep. Goos Night.

Wednesday

2009-11-05T03:17:00.002+08:00

I've heard you tell me you love me a million times before but every single time it gets to me. I love you b!

Blank

2009-11-04T01:23:00.002+08:00

I'm free tomorrow so a good night's rest, here i come!

Uuuupdate

2009-10-31T16:38:00.007+08:00

Life's been pretty great! I've got loads of pictures. Spent Lin's 19th at supperclub last night. Just gonna post pictures, will elaborate l8r with some more pictures! Gotta go get ready. Gonna try and do some good photography at chinatown =)
I'm too lazy to resize them individually, so i just took these from facebook!

I'm back home! Chinatown was fun. We decided to try out this steamboat place, was pretty reasonable per person though somehow, i couldn't quite bring myself to trust the food. Did a little hunting in helping my brother's girlfriend look for dance props. The evening skies were gloomy, grey clouds practically overshadowing the entire place. It kept raining i wished my camera was waterproof! I had to take snapshots from the shelters which wasn't fun at all. It was so hard to do so cause people kept streaming by, nudging their way through making me lose focus of my shots! =( I shot once or twice and gave up. I'm such an amateur i really have to read my handbook. anyway, yesterday was fun! Right after work i flew home to get ready while my mom waited for me patiently in the car. Took a train down to town to meet Sean and Han, took another train to supperclub. I'm such a whiner but i seriously hate public transport. I need to learn how to drive pronto! I'll pay for petrol. December, come quicker! Stayed till 3 then left. It was so crowded we could hardly move without mashing ourselves against wet bodies and inhaling rancid odor haha. Cake was good, Lin looked gorgeous. Was so glad she got to recuperate a little before reviving to party! Got home feeling so exhausted i drifted off to sleep as soon as i laid my head down. Uni applications have been coming along superb! I got accepted into 3 out of 4 universities so far, 1 even with advance standing! Only 2 years of uni is seriously HEAVEN. I'll be visiting those 4 when i fly up with my mom next month. I have to really thank my parents for being so supportive of my education. They left everything up to me, allowing me to serve my priorities, understanding my wants and especially giving me the thumbs up in everything i did. Thanks mommy and daddy. I truly appreciate it <3

Although this year has been a rough year for me, i'm glad the tables turned and made it a memorable one. I have to say i'm proud of myself, accomplishing what i've accomplised has never felt so real to me. I can actually see it this time. I never thought i'd make it this far, i thought i was doomed once i knew i was in NT. Thank you to whoever made this happen.

Relationship wise, i'm losing it by the minute. I think i'm crazy. Saying things that Sean claims he's never said makes me feel indiscreet. Sometimes i question my sanity. Week after week i'm slipping inches away. I don't know what to do, my mental and emotional being's frozen, i can't think. When i sugeest we go our seperate ways, something holds me back telling me i should stay. But when i do, everything crumbles slowly and in no matter of time, we're back at the crossroads refacing the inevitable. Sigh i'm so cornered, so stuck i wish there was someone who could make decisions like that for me. I love you, i do but i can't have this feeling of uncertainy, heartache everyday, all day. I'm pretty sure i'm not a horrible girlfriend. I work my schedule around for him, I cancel my plans to meet him. When i'm out getting something to eat, i'll wonder if he's hungry. I surprise him by turning up at his house on mornings to make things right. What am i doing wrong? I feel like i'm giving myself the attention that he's suppose to give me. Thats idiotic jeez. At times, i wanna bawl my eyes out but what's there for me after all that mourning? I lay awake feeling like my heart's been clawed then ripped into shreds. That's why i hardly ever cry anymore, i tell myself life's a matter of letting go, holding the hurt in just makes you a hateful person and i have no intention of modelling into one. I try to be strong, i try to be my best. My wall is dissolving into a panel of numbness. I feel so sadistic now haha.
No more pessimism! I'm feeling much better about the whole thing now. I swear i cause such distress to people who read my blog.
I was suppose to publish this post last night but since the photos are taking forever and i'm lazy, i finally uploaded them onto fb.
Very very long entry huh.
How unusual Denise!
photoblogggg.

SEAN IF YOU LOVE ME TEACH ME HOW TO DRIVE. I H888 PUBLIC TRANSPORT.

Awww my new boyfriend!

oh so adorable fishcake!

I look so horrible!

Sophia's so gorgeous isn't she!

I think i'm such a disgrace to photographers.
Okay GTG people!
Bye!
=)

Scrabble this

2009-10-27T15:34:00.004+08:00

Had a little fun with my oly baby and scrabble tiles today. I haven't eaten anything all day. I'm too lazy to cook, maybe i should just order in. But i've been doing that all the time! Sigh fineeee. I'll cook noodles. My parents went away again and i'm home alone till Thursday.
I think i'm going through some personal crisis, i don't know what's wrong with me but i feel so down all the time. No it isn't my period and no it isn't depression. There are so many things i want to say. But you know, sometimes its better to just keep things to yourself so nobody gets hurt.

Haven't drank HL milk in a long time. Oh so refreshing.
I do have pictures, some other day.

Happy birthday SKMH

2009-10-26T03:35:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday mad hack! i love you.
That's us when we were 15 and 16 i think haha.

Time really does pass by oh so fast cause you're 19, a year older, hopefully wiser. And also, its my 5th time spending it with you. Through everything, we've always stood by each other, you mostly wanting to make things right no matter how torn up they are. I'm glad i stayed, i'm glad we perservered through the roughest. I wouldn't change anything. You've been patient, the bestest in your own way. I love you for being who you be best, you :>
Have a fantabulous 19th Sean!
XX

2009-10-26T03:21:00.004+08:00

I just retyped this post thrice.
I'm tired of living up to expectations that aren't even reasonable.
Screw all this mind fucking crap.

BUZZ

2009-10-24T13:13:00.005+08:00

I AM SUCH A BZ BEE HAHAH.
I got accepted nito Curtin! Wee. The excitement took awhile to kick in but i feel it now. Will prolly fly up to see the school next month =) Can't w8!
Why do my arms look so chubby. I've tried everything and they still won't get smaller.

2009-10-22T16:39:00.006+08:00

Hey everyone!
I've been home all day not feeling my best. My tummy's cramping up real bad i'm hoping it'll fade away by tomorrow. I'm meeting Curtin reps tomorrow, so eggcited! Just ordered macs cause i've been starving all day. I've finally adjusted my bodyclock to sleeping at 9 or 10 every night, i've never felt so recharged and fresh every single morning :) My dark rings are slowing disappearing, my bags reducing. Sleep really does nourish you with all the justice you need. Haven't touched my sketch pad for awhile now. Was bored this morning so i decided to do a little sketching to kill time. The outcome's not as good as i thought it would be. I think i'm lacking patience.

I'm so disappointed macs's medium orange juice is equivalent to a small soft drink!
WHAT.
I am so mad at my brother right now. I walked all the way to fernvale which is like a 20 mintue walk just to get there, to get him dinner. I texted him and told him i did cause he's been so relient on me all week. Oh then wowishly independency kicks him in the face and he comes home with food of his own.
I say: I texted you saying i bought you dinner at 6ish.
He: I was driving what.
I: That's WHY is texted!
He: You mean you don't know how to call after 8? You odn't know how to call and tell me you got me dinner?
I: How the hell am i suppose to know when you finish.
He: Then too bad la.

What a fucking asswipe.
I wish he was at his girlfriend's hostel.
She's the only one with kickass willpower to stand such a boob like him led alone brave storms he create.
I'm actually glad i only see him on weekends.
Am so glad my parents are coming back tomorrow! Miss them terribly.
There'll be people around who can be responsible.
Argh.
Oh i have 19 999 views haha. Just thought it was cute.
Still mad.

Flies by

2009-10-21T17:06:00.003+08:00

Jia: Maybe.
Denise: Maybe not.
Jia: Maybe, maybe not.
Denise: Maybe, maybe not.

My days have been busy with lots to think about. I cut myself opening a pack of dog food, my finger's still throbbing, the tip of my finger a little numb. Its evening time, thought i'd upload an update since i had some spare time. I absolutely adore the snake belt and gold leaf, both my mom's belongings. She got me a bag that's velvet purple its too gorgeous to touch.
Shall go into an air con room and watch me some mighty b.
Toodles.

Saturday i eat glazed doughnuts

2009-10-18T02:50:00.005+08:00

I remember the sun was scorching hot i wish it'd just degrade me to ashes already! Lim amd I spent the afternoon today. We had lunch at crystal jade, did a whole lot of talking and walking. We were talking about everything under the sun, from she liking the shudder-shivery feeling you get when you cry too much, how her tutor is being a total a hole not wanting to refund her 800 bucks to oozing a really loud comment about this really cute pair of twins before blushing endlessly. She's so adorable. Got a chance to meet Sophia again and i swear i felt like a greasy bloated doughnut standing next to her. She's soooooo skinny soooo hot. Town was okay, Jia had to leave early so i took a train back and my dad picked me up, drove to pasir ris to meet my brother and his friends who were there since the break of dawn fishing. Susan caught little fishes for me with a line and hook attached to a twig. Stayed till evening, had dinner, then home! Couldn't resist but get a dozen of doughnuts =)
Totally k.oed once i got back home till now!
Meso happy, me eyebags aren't as bad anymore cause i've been good and sleeping early!

I just sent Sean some bo chap text. I am fury mad because i feel like i have to press him for replies and such. He already doesn't call me which to most of you is surprising alarming but things have been like that for the longest time so whatever kkkkk. I just hate having to be the one who keeps chasing after him, its not only annoying, it feels one sided. Maybe i should just call it quits. I don't know how long more am i gonna take this. He always says he doesn't know what to say. I've been accepting that excuse since aeons ago. I'm tired, 4 years feels like stinky drainage. We're prolly the worst couple on earth. Apart from being physically around him, when we're not together, being invisible comes a position or two before i do. Sidewaying away from that, i realise that you people are generally shallow. You don't even reply my attempts to make things right which is totally ok. That just goes to show that you'd believe a measly girl who can't even solve her own problems, attempts to make me sound crazy rather than someone who always chooses to tell the truth and even bother to make things right. If you were man enough, you would've already replied shunting me off. If you're afraid of hurting my feelings, fret not, you won't. In life you win some, lose some. Well, i'm pretty certain i'm winning this one.

Need to catch some shuteye, its uber l8 alr!
thanks for reading my blog everyone! =)
xx
Night!

Thursday morning

2009-10-15T11:19:00.004+08:00

Got up a little realy today and decided i'd finally put my camera to some good use. I tried to catch a glimpse of the colorful birds that alwys land on the trees outside my balcony but they never made their grand entrance. The morning was peaceful, i could hear the water flow and the sun was glistering gold with its array slowly brightening up everything both near and far. Got a little hungry watch Anthony Bourdain so i decided to order me some good ol macs breakfast! Pancakes go best with orange jooz no you can't deny that =) A few pictures of my morning.
I'm going back to bed now. Been up since 6ish just so i could watch simpsons. I know, wtso.net or com.
Neway my face is huge haha don't judge that cat face. My dad's coming back today, yay!
I'm still drinking out of my macdonald cup. I just had to say that haha.
I shoudld've chose photography as my stream instead of public relations dammmmnn.
Bye!

hugggeee face.

2009-10-14T06:26:00.003+08:00

I am so confused.
Should i wait for Curtin and ECU or just go ahead with RMIT?
I've been waiting for so long.
A little yoghurt now would do me some justice.

Mmonday

2009-10-13T17:27:00.003+08:00

We love you!
My Monday was exceptionally goooood except for the part where some lady was trying to tell me that i was way too fat haha.
Jia is so pretty isn't she!
thanks for another sotd!
hug hugggg.

Have you ever been mellow?

2009-10-10T06:03:00.003+08:00

Whenever i'm feeling directionless, i tend to look through old photos. No matter how awful i feel, its always so overwhelming to know that you do belong somewhere. I'm suddenly feeling quite mellow listening to anberlin on repeat, sitting up in dim light at 5 50am typing this post. Sometimes, i feel so confused i wish some one would just make up my mind for me. I wish i had someone who would tell me its okay to fall, to make mistakes, to always try again. Someone who listens and emphatises. Someone who actually takes time off just to care. Everyone needs an aid somehow, somewhere at some point.
I miss my dad so much. He's been away for a week and looking at a photo i took of him two weeks ago totally made my day. He made that face on my command haha. He's my knight, the man who always says my heart is safe with him. I may be such a tough nut with him at times but he's sucha amazing dad if everyone had him it'd be a crime. He calls my mom every night to sweet talk her to bed, he always asks how i'm doing, whether i'm loving my new camera, whether my brother and his girlfriend are doing fine, whether we're all okay in every aspect. He's such a great man i doubt no boy i know can ever replace him.

I hope you're sleeping tight daddy.
I love you.

You know what made my day even better?
RMIT just personally congratulated me on twitter :>

hoo haa

2009-10-07T03:20:00.004+08:00

Since its past twelve, happy 4 years and 9 months Sean! <3 I love you.

I have loads of pictures to upload but photobucket's being so difficult i've pretty much given up. Sooo i was out shopping the whole day it was so much fun, it tore my emptiness away. My mom and i spent over 500 bucks peeling clothes on and off! I got this really cute ali baba like pants that's gorgeous. It was so cheap like 40 bucks :> good steal. I've been oozing to get a camera bag and i finally got it! Its a little domokun pouch! So glad its mine cause it felt fated. All i did was walked into the shop and asked if they had anything that suited my camera and within seconds, it was mine. Also today i realised my mom is just as lazy as i am when it comes to public transport! She keeps pressing me to take buses and such but she totally hates it haha.
About 10 mintues after i got home, b called cause he was taking me out to supper! He bowled pretty well today but he's gotta pawn the bowler whose a position ahead of him to qualify. Pawn himmmmm. We went to jalan kayu since its bears the same distance between both our houses. Popped over at his place for a little while after. He's just as addicted to my olympus as i am. He could hardly put it down taking snapshots of everything. we even took several timer shots together just for the fun of it. I look horrid in all the photos, i look sleepy haha, i am!

A little lazy to elaborate on the details so pictures!
Sall credit Sean for taking a few of the pictures below haha.

Bought supper for his dad and tau huay for my mom!

You can actually see my ulcer on my bottom lip.

He just had to move.

Look at his eyes! hahaha

That's not even a quarter of it. Yawn, to upload the above took about an hour! An hour less to snooze.
Goodnight bunnies.
XX

update

2009-10-06T13:24:00.002+08:00

Hey 401th post!
I've been meaning to blog but never quite took the effort to get my mind working. Being home makes me love having so much time to myself. I just never want this to end. I'm bummed about work, about not being able to change my schedule timings due to unseen, unknown reasons. Its such a huge bummer cause all my favourite days of the week, especially Fridays are defunct. I have no idea why they decided to give me same shifts for all days with no variation at all i feel its punishment for something though i can't somewhat put my finger on it. If you've been reading my twitter i've got my new baby :> my olympus e450! I can't post pictures now, i've gotta jet! Supposedly going shopping later. Not feeling a least bit excited at all, have no flipping idea why sigh. I think i'm trying too hard. Such negativity.
I mmmm gg tu learn how to take beri gud peektures.
Okay xo bye!

2009-10-05T04:01:00.002+08:00

I have to admit sometimes i don't know why i'm doing things. Maybe i'm tired of everything. Am i? I know i don't hold a grudge, i just hate invading in someone else's space. I hate feeling like the extra who sits around waiting to be made use of. I hate having to wait for you all the time. If i don't initiate, who the hell will. I try to be fair but no matter how gentle my approach is, i always end up being the one who tries to ruin everything.
what am i suppose to say or do?
Yes okay I'm sensitive.
I'm always the one with problems.
I'm the one whose always in the wrong.
Tell me, what am i suppose to do?
This post is so jumbled but its honestly how i feel right now. I feel so clustered. I don't know what to do anymore.

2009-10-03T03:03:00.004+08:00

I GOT A TATTOO!

OH YES I DID.

BUT..

IT AINT REAL HAHAHAHAHHA.

I had a such a great Friday. A tad too lazy to rant.
So bye!

2009-10-01T18:20:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i wonder when will this whole cycle end.
I have to try and make this work out.
My year went by so quick i'm only left with months now.
This must work out, everything must.
So much pressure its really eating me alive.

Beat

2009-10-01T02:32:00.003+08:00

So much happened today!
Had pizza for dinner, swam for 4 hours, did a whole lot of laughing, dumb game playing and had lotsa water in our noses so i'm basically exhausted to the bone now.
Will blog soon, goodnight earthlings!

vblog1

2009-09-28T18:52:00.004+08:00

My first vblog! Omg the starting face is so FUNNY lol. I got so bored so i decided to download some software to record videos. Its honestly weird yet extremely fun haha. I had to retake like almost a 100 times because i'm so bad with the software. The audio's probably terrible so just bear with it!
Enjoy hahaha, not.
My dog is so cute y/y?
Its already 4ish! Nightttt.
Bye!